Day 46

Name: Morgan Ahearn

Profession: Student, University of Edinburgh

Location: Her apartment, Scotland

Question: Why are you where you are right now?

Answer: It’s me I gotta impress

8:03pm Sierra

Why are you where you are right now?

8:03pm Morgan Ahearn

Ha. Do i get any more hints or is it up to me to define the parameters of it?

8:03pm Sierra

It's completely up to you.

8:04pm Morgan

oh man. well i'm currently in my bed attempting to write an essay about the distinction between positive and negative freedom for my political theory essay. but i'm also in scotland because a few years ago it seemed like a good idea to leave america and come over here for a bit

8:06pm Sierra

Is that no longer the case?

8:06pm Morgan

it's even more so the case now. at the time it seemed like an original and interesting thing to do, i didn't realize how much it would change my view of america. i thought 'they speak english over there, it's gotta be pretty similar'

8:07pm Sierra

How did it "change your view?"

8:09pm Morgan

in terms of influence, i feel like you just don't realize how much of a hegemonic power the US is until you're outside of it for a period of time. You can be told over and over that America is the strongest and richest nation in the world but I don't think it really hits you until your step outside of it and hear other people, completely unbiased, speak about how they're victims to it. not victims in a bad way, just of influence. and the american ideals thing. it sounds so incredibly cheesy but it's really true, sure the american dream might have turned into obesity and walmart and people complain about it nowadays but there just is really nothing that compares to the sense of potential over here. to that sense of potential*

8:12pm Morgan

The potential for an obese Wal-Mart culture?

8:13pm Morgan

No no, the potential to do anything. that doesn't clarify it i know, it's hard to explain but I feel like everything here is still very based in class structure, not saying that that doesn't exist in the US but i don't think to the same level. kids become university students over here and then they usually get a job which is fairly along the same scale that their parents had. there's no breaking out, or at least not as much as you hear about at home.

8:15pm Morgan

but at the same time, i hate to sit here and analyze everything that's different about home and here, it's worth it for the experience of being somewhere i've never been before, that's all i want.

8:16pm Sierra

It sounds like you plan to return to the states.

8:18pm Morgan

Probably, it's fun here though. I enjoy being caught up in all the ridiculousness of how the hell I got here and what I find myself doing. Last weekend I went swimming in the atlantic off the coast of the north west highlands of scotland. it's one of the most hostile and beautiful places i've ever been. i'd never have seen it if things hadn't worked out this way. so i'm okay with it all.

8:20pm Sierra

I'm so jealous you've gotten such a rich experience. I have two questions: First of all, your sister is over there with you, is she not? Tell me about that. Also, what are you studying?

8:21pm Morgan

My sister was here my first year, she graduated last summer so I've been here without her this year. While we were both here I rarely saw her, we lived 2 streets away after living on different continents for six years. She made it clear when I first came over that she wasn't going to help me, the first few weeks when I hate it here I hated her for refusing to come to my side and save me. But I'm more glad than anything that she didn't. If she had I wouldn't have made any friends and I wouldn't have been able to pick myself up and move on from things. I'm a pretty independent kid and I don't think there was a single time when I actually NEEDED her and I think she knew that better than me. Had I been in any real trouble I know she would've come round. I study politics. Here you do one main course and two outside courses. My outside courses are french and arabic.

8:24pm Sierra

What do you hope to do with that?

8:24pm Morgan

Nothing. Well something. But I'm not the type of person to think of anything nearly as practical as that. French literature interests me and I thought Arabic would just be useful. It's actually quite the pretty language and I love all the linguistic patters that are in it. As for Politics, I think I've always been half interested in it. I took it up so that I could engage my father in conversation. He's a journalist and it's all he really cares about, current affairs. But as I've gone through it I've come to realize just how interested I am in it, it's really the only thing I'd be happy studying.

8:27pm Sierra

Has it served its purpose so far in the case of your father?

8:29pm Morgan

Ha, it's backfired entirely. I think it terrifies him that I'm comfortable sitting at the dinner table arguing about foreign policy and international security. He still refuses to warrant my views with any sort of discussion. He sort of just sits there and explains concepts over and over to me that I clearly understand and am comfortable with. But I understand it completely, I'm encroaching on his territory and I'm his little girl.

8:31pm Sierra

Just out of curiosity, is this pretty telling of your relationship?

8:31pm Morgan

Extremely. Hahah. I'm not sure he'll respect me as a thinker until I'm writing foreign policy initiatives myself and even then he'd edit it for grammatical errors.

8:33pm Sierra

Haha. Does that bother you?

8:33pm Morgan

At times it's extremely frustrating, but it makes me want to be better at school and it reminds me that in the end it's myself I've gotta impress.

8:34pm Sierra

And what's your relationship with your mother like? Is she more--I'm not sure if this is the word--supportive?

8:35pm Morgan

Too supportive sometimes. She's got a very strong sense that I can do whatever I want in terms of potential. I think every mother has that but sometimes it starts to go away eventually. I think hers has only gotten worse. I constantly need to remind her that I can't do everything and that I don't want to.

8:37pm Sierra

Haha. That's probably one of the best problems I've ever heard. What is it that she does for a living?

8:39pm Morgan

She works for an auction house called Bonham's. She's the head of the European Paintings department which means she's responsible for the appraising, acquiring and auctioning of lots of expensive art. she has three degrees, including a law degree. You know those kids who have super successful parents and end up face up lying in a gutter somewhere. That's gonna be me I know it. she worked for christies and sotheby's as well for years and years which are 2 very large auction houses.

8:40pm Sierra

Ah! I see. Do you think this is where the "You can do it all, Morgan!" idea comes from?

8:41pm Morgan

Yeah, very much so.

8:43pm Sierra

Okay. Overall, it sounds like your goals for the future are a little fuzzy. Do you have anything concrete you see for yourself 5, 10 years from now? And does the uncertainty bother you ever, or would you say you're more one who lives in the moment?

8:44pm Morgan

The uncertainty doesn't bother me in the slightest. I think I'd panic if I had a plan.

8:46pm Sierra

Haha. Okay. I'd have to say the opposite is true in my own case, but I can see where you're coming from.

8:46pm Morgan

hahah all my friends have 5 year plans.

8:48pm Sierra

But not Morgan Ahearn, eh? Do you live by any life philosophy that allows for this attitude?

8:48pm Morgan

I read too much in high school. I'm extremely impressionable. I know far too well that too much rubbed off on me, haven't worked out if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet.

8:49pm Sierra

Haha. And apparently, you're quite the realist, no?

8:49pm Morgan

No idea. Going back to the life philosophy thing, I read a book once and it had the shortest sentence about how it's impossible to fall off a mountain, i think i took that to heart a little to much in a really over extended metaphor type of way.

8:52pm Sierra

Hmm... Well I'm not sure what else to ask you, Morgan. Do you have any question in mind that you had hoped I would ask? Or anything you would just like to add?

8:52pm Morgan

I find it terrifying and slightly disheartening at how uninteresting I came off in all of that.

8:53pm Sierra

Are you kidding?! That was one of my favorite interviews!

8:53pm Morgan

I don't really care about my relationship with my parents, I hate comparing here to home. Its strange that that's what I talked about. I should've discussed the benefits of swimming in the atlantic in february and the rexamination of what's important that it leads to but that's okay.

8:55pm Sierra

You still have time! The interview is over when you decide it is. So go ahead. Tell me about the lure of the great Atlantic.

8:55pm Morgan

It's just puts things into fucking perspective. There is nothing like coming up from being underneath absolutely freezing water, those few seconds where you realize that you can breathe again but you're not really sure you want to because it hurts, and then the seconds after when your heart slows down and everything starts to hurt because your body hates you for subjecting it to such cold temperatures. And then diving back under water again.

8:58pm Sierra

Can you elaborate on how that puts things "in perspective" for you?

8:59pm Morgan

It makes everything that i've ever thought i felt feel so incredibly trivial. im gonna try and explain but i'm not sure it's gonna work. I said I was angry about something and spent a while trying to express how I felt, but afer about half an hour I just realized how trivial it all is. I didn't feel anything, i just reacted how I thought I should and that's not feeling, coming up from absolutely freezing water is feeling. That doesn't make sense.

9:06pm Sierra

No. I think I understand. Though couldn't I argue that you're simply differentiating physical senses as more significant than mental or emotional ones?

9:07pm Morgan

For sure. I think I'd agree with you. You've never read the stranger have you?

9:07pm Sierra

I haven't, no.

9:08pm Morgan

You should at some point. It's written by a guy called Albert Camus, would take about a day to read. Am i just monopolizing your time?

9:09pm Sierra

No! Believe me, there's nothing I'd rather be doing right now than continuing this discussion.

9:09pm Morgan

Hahaha

9:10pm Sierra

So tell me about "The Stranger." Does this have something to do with the differences in feeling we were discussing?

9:10pm Morgan

It has a lot to do with it. It's about the absurd. and the tension between man and world. the same writer wrote a brilliant essay called the myth of sisyphus. or however you spell it. anyway, basically says that man seeks at all times to make rational sense of the world only to realize that that's impossible. and so he comes to reject all things that aren't based on the natural of physical world. and that there are basically three options for someone in such a sitatuation: 1. commit suicide because the inability to make sense of everything lends to there being no meaning to life, 2. turn towards religion and faith to find laws and belief systems which help to understand thigns, 3. basically admit you can't understand everything goes on and commit yourself to making the most out of your life. anyways-it's a good book, hahaha.

9:15pm Sierra

You've certainly gotten my attention! I'll have to check it out.

9:16pm Morgan

Hmmm anything else I can rant about?

9:16pm Sierra

You tell me!

9:17pm Morgan

i don't want to bore you!

9:18pm Sierra

How many times do I have to reiterate that you are not in the least!

9:18pm Morgan

hmm what haven't we covered

9:19pm Sierra

Religion?

9:20pm Morgan

oh man. hahahah. what do these interviews usually entail?

9:22pmSierra

I don't know. It differs. I spoke to a street artist about his experiences in Peru, a retired healthcare professional about what he thought about the most recent proposed legislation, my mother's love life as a teenager, and a seventh grader's view on the world. There really isn't a pattern.

9:23pm Morgan

that's awesome.

9:23pmSierra

Sorry. That was terrible grammar. Thank you.

9:23pm Morgan

your mothers teenage lovelife! that's awesome. Do you have any interest in photo journalism?

9:25pm Sierra

It's actually really funny. And yes. That's exactly what I want to do. I've shifted my career goal almost completely. I'd love to be a photojournalist more than anything. It's a tough market to get into, though, which makes me nervous. But then again, so is journalism.

9:26 Morgan

When I was six my dad couldn't find a babysitter so he took us along to this museum black tie dinner party function thing. it was for a exhibit at the museum of photography in new york city. have you seen any pictures of the vietnam war?

9:27pm Sierra

Yes, I've come across some, but I haven't looked for the theme specifically.

9:28pm Morgan

There's a famous one of a guy holding a gun to another guys head. that doesnt' help i bet

9:28pm Sierra

I think I know which one you're referring to.

9:28pm Morgan

and another of a young girl running naked away from a bomb explosion down a street in the background. anyway, the guy who did those, it was his exhibit and it's probably my first genuine memory was being there surrounded by those pictures

9:29pm Sierra

Yes. I know that one, too.

9:29pm Morgan

with all these people in tuxedos who i thought were dressed up as penguins and i thought that was what normal six year olds did on school nights. and i thought that was what normal six year olds did on school nights. the guy was called eddie adams, he recently died but was a family friend and work collegue of my father. there's a giant photojournalist workshop that he used to hold and still goes on in his name that we went to everyyear and i remember just running around barns amongst probably the best of the best photojournalists. i wish more than anything that i was old enough to appreciate it at the time.

9:32pm Sierra

That's incredible.

9:32pm Morgan

a few years ago i really wanted to be a photojournalist

9:33pm Sierra

What happened?

9:33pm Morgan

i met one. he was a photojournalist at the new york times and he was pretty boring, not that that's the standard or anything. i don't have the photography skills for it either.

9:39pm Sierra

I find most journalists in general to be fairly boring people. (No offense to your father.) Often, I find, it's just because they've taken the importance of objectivity to their job and they've applied it to their personal life, as well. That, and they've seen everything, from a simple arrest or fire to war and it's made them introverts. Plus, when your job is simply to bring information from one place to another without allowing it to change one bit, you've got to remain completely still. You can't breathe your own life into it, or everything you're carrying will topple over, you know? I find that's more true with hard news and print, which is why I don't think it's necessarily the career for me. They're a different kind of people, journalists.

9:40pm Morgan

i agree entirely. although, my father did a lot of stuff pioneering investigative journalism so i feel like that exscuses him from the pile a little but. but i do agree

9:41pm Sierra

Yeah. Investigative journalists tend to be some of my favorites. Plus, they're allowed to put voice into their stories, if only a little bit. I find that gives them a bit more light behind the byline, as well.

9:42pm Morgan

indeed