Day 35

Name: Diane “Dee” Smith

Profession: Registered nurse, middle school

Location: Her home in Phoenix, Arizona

Question: Why are you where you are?

Answer: I place value in life and love

My mother.

“It worked well with my family to become a school nurse because of the summers off, because of the hours, because of weekends off, holidays off…. My mom says it’s because she distilled it in me when I was little to become a nurse, but I really don’t think that’s the reason. I think it’s because I like helping people.”

“I always had a dream to open an old age home that actually honors old people. Kind of classy, and brings them back to nature and doesn’t smell like diapers…. It doesn’t matter where. Some place that gives them a lot of independence and honors who they were and who they are now and still utilizes what they have left now, instead of making them seem like babies and that they can’t do anything and they’re worthless…. I just think old people should be honored and not disregarded.”

“Grandma always says, ‘I don’t want you to put me up.’ She doesn’t want me to take her in and take care of her. She wants me to put her in an old age home, but I could never see myself doing that. She’s demanding that I do that, but I can never see myself putting Grandma in an old age home. I could never see myself burdening you guys, either, and making you guys take care of me, either. But I can’t see myself in an old age home, either. So I don’t know. Kill me. I don’t know. I believe in Kevorkian. Dr. Kevorkian…. Dr. Kevorkian is the guy that kills people. You can go to him and he’ll kill you…. He has lawyers, I guess, that get him out of it. Like, say Papa. Say he was really suffering and crying and crying in pain to the point where he was in such pain and agony. I would take him to Dr. Kevorkian. And he would be begging me, ‘Please. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. I’m in so much pain. I need to die. I need to die.’ And say that’s all he was crying about. This doctor will give him medicine to put him to sleep. Actually, I don’t think he gives him the medicine. Maybe he would give you the medicine. I think he gives you the medicine so they won’t suffer, and then they’ll die. You know how some people go for suicide and then it doesn’t happen and then they’re brain damaged? They’re worse than dying? They’re just vegetables. This doctor makes sure they’re dead so they’re not suffering anymore. It’s not a bad thing in my eyes. It’s a good thing. He wouldn’t give me medicine to kill you. It’s just the people that are really, really suffering and on their last breath of air that just aren’t dying…. They don’t pull the plug unless they know that you’re brain dead. They’ll do a scan on you if you have any brain waves going. If you don’t have any activity at all, they’ll say you’re brain dead.”

“I used to think it [abortion] was okay if you knew your baby was a ‘tard. But I don’t think that any more. You hear all these stories. ‘Oh, they said that he wouldn’t be anything.’ And they’re wonderful, wonderful human beings now. Who’s to be the judge? Wonder if the doctor made a mistake. There’s this lady at work, this is so sad, too, I’ll have to talk to her, but she’s a technology lady at our work now. She travels along to different schools. Her son got sick. I don’t know the exact story. But they read his lab work and ordered all this medicine for him, and he had a reaction to the medicine and he almost died from it. Turns out the lab work wasn’t his. So the medicine that they gave him wasn’t even supposed to be for him. The reaction that he had could have been prevented. Who’s to say that? Who said that your baby would look like that and be nothing would really be nothing? And if it’s bad enough, it will die when it’s ready to die, and then you’ll get to love it while it’s still alive because it’s a part of you.”

“I’m a pretty simple person. I like making people feel welcome. I like making them laugh. I like learning new stuff. I love new technology. I love learning. I don’t think I’ll ever stop taking classes and learning new things because I think you need to do that to keep up with today and kids and the world. It changes so fast that you got to change with it. ‘Cause it’s fun. ‘Cause technology’s so cool that I’m impressed with it and I want to learn everything. I want to learn everything new that’s coming out because I’m so impressed by it.”

“I’m not a philosophical person. I leave that to Dad.”

“Actually, the first thing that I found when we first met was the way we could talk to each other. When we first starting working together, it was the first thing that was totally attractive to me…. It was so easy. It was instant best friends. The first shift we had together, it was like talking to your best friend. The first day…. That’s how we met, Sierra! We worked together. It was his store, he worked there! It wasn’t his store, but he worked there first. Daddy worked there, and then Papa got a full time job there. And Papa was like ‘Why don’t you work here?’ So then I got a job there, and Daddy didn’t know it yet. There was only one other girl that worked there, in the whole place. Well, one lady and one girl. The lady was the owner. The girl was fourteen or fifteen, and it was me. And she was no competition for me. She was like a little kid compared to me. I was like eighteen. So I was orienting with the owner’s wife, and that’s when Dad pulled up in the car. He was off that day, but he came in to get coffee. He saw the girl working, which was me. You could tell he was totally surprised. His mouth opened. I was like, ‘Helloooo….’ So I went up to the car and was like, ‘Can I help you?’ And he didn’t answer me. I was like, ‘Can I help you?’ This was a drive up store. You had to drive up the door and then the people that were working inside had to go up to the car and say, ‘Can I help you?’ So I went up to the car and was like, ‘Can I help you?’ He didn’t answer. He was in shock. So I thought, ‘Gosh! He’s so rude!’ I went back to the store. I completely ignored him. After three ‘Can I help you’s, I was like, ‘This guy is so rude.’ So he pulled the car up and he came in and I realized he worked there because he starts talking to Ronnie, the owner’s wife. That’s when we got introduced. I wasn’t having fun at all with her, because she was kinda strict. And she’s like, ‘Mike, do you want to work for me instead so I can just go home and you finish training her?’ I was like, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!’ He saw me do that, and he’s like, ‘Uh, sure’ because he had a chance to work with a hot babe. And that’s when we started. But our first shift together, and we had a great time together…. We worked together a few times. One day he came in, and he wasn’t working. He purposely came in because he knew that I was working, because he had another job, too, just like I did. I was going to full-time college. And he came in in his big, giant, giant—this truck was giant—landscaping truck. And he goes, ‘I’ll take a coffee and go ahead and put your phone number on the back.’ It wasn’t like I didn’t know him. I knew Papa knew him. Believe it or not, I had my own phone line in my room. I didn’t have a cell phone because it didn’t exist. I had my own phone line with my own phone number in my bedroom. So I gave him that number. I was like, ‘Okay. What the heck!’ I never did that before. In clubs and dance places, I used to give people fake numbers, or I’d say, ‘Give me your number. I’ll call you,’ and never give them my number. But I put my number down, and that’s the one he still has in his wallet. And I guess he never did that before, too. He was just trying to be cool. Later on he told me, ‘I’ve never done that before….’ We weren’t nervous. It wasn’t like talking to somebody you’re shy against. It was like talking to your best friend. We would just talk the whole entire shift. In between every customer, it was just non-stop talking. It wasn’t like silly stuff, like throwing popcorn at each other. It was really long conversations about everything.”

“He [My father, “Papa”] liked Dad. They already had a relationship. Plus, Dad is a very smooth talker with Papa. He would smooth talk Papa all the time. If we were going out somewhere, he would know exactly what to say to Papa to smooth him over. A lot of guys were super nervous with Papa because they thought he was Mafia and they were really scared of him. But Dad wasn’t the least bit scared of Papa. He loved him. They had a good relationship before me and Dad did…. You have no idea how Papa was. I found out after I dated almost every guy that Papa got on the side and threatened to kill every single one of them if they laid a hand on me. I dated this one guy, also before Daddy, that worked with Papa. We went to date after date after date after date. This guy wouldn’t hold my hand. I’m like, ‘What the heck! He doesn’t hold my hand. He doesn’t kiss me goodnight. It’s like going out with my brother every date. He doesn’t put his arm around me in the movie.’ I used to ask everybody at the bagel store, ‘I don’t understand! I don’t understand! He doesn’t kiss me! He doesn’t hold my hand!’ One time we went on a skiing date. He held my hand. We both had mittens on, huge mittens because it was freezing out. I was like, ‘Oh my gosh! He held my hand! This is great! This is awesome!’ Not like I could feel it. We had about five inches of cloth between us. I was like, ‘Wow! He held my hand!’ He never touched me again after that. I was like, ‘What the heck!’ So broke up with him. I was so ticked. After every single date, I thought, ‘Why doesn’t he touch me?!’ I didn’t want him to attack me. I just wanted him to kiss me goodnight. I was thinking, ‘Something’s wrong. Something’s wrong.’ I was like, ‘We’ll be friends. It will be so much better. We can be best friends.’ He was so sad. He’s like, ‘No, no!’ and I was like, ‘Yeah, yeah! It will be so much better! We’ll just be best friends! We’ll still go out and all this other stuff!’ He cried. I was like, ‘I just can’t do this anymore. Let’s just be friends.’ So one day, he called me on the phone or something, and he was really upset. He was like, ‘You know why?’ I’m like, ‘Why?’ He’s said, ‘Your father threatened to cut off my you-know-what if I ever touched you!’ And he’s crying on the phone. He was so scared of Papa because he worked with him. He’s like, ‘Give me one more try! Give me one more try! I’ll make up for it!’ I thought, ‘Oh my gosh! No!’ I didn’t want him to attack me. I didn’t want him to go the other way and I was like, no because I didn’t want him to rape me. I just wanted him to kiss me. I don’t want him to do anything else. I’m like, ‘No, no! I’m sorry. I can’t. I’ve moved on!’ He was so upset. Years later, I already moved to Arizona, and right as I moved to Arizona, he calls me on the phone and he tells me he got engaged. This had been a couple of years since we dated. And he’s like, ‘I will break it off with her if you will go out with me again. I will break it off.’ I was just like, ‘I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. What are you saying?’ I hadn’t seen him in a couple of years, and here he was willing to take the ring back from the other girl. So you don’t know. Daddy’s not strict, trust me.”